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God, UPDATE.

SUMMER.

I had just dragged my second luggage off the conveyor belt at Murtala Muhammed  and I had already began to sweat profusely. It was a lot of work. But it wasn’t just that though, it was also the fact that the air conditioners were not conditioning any part of my body at all. In addition, there were so many people in the lobby. It wasn’t just my flight that had landed but two others (one of them a trans-Atlantic flight) and all of us were expected to share one conveyor belt. With over two hundred and fifty people on my flight, and on the trans-Atlantic flight, respectively, and possibly also another hundred on the West-African flight, the lobby quickly became a hot mess. Thankfully, my boxes came out quite early which was a strange change from what it used to be. I’d usually wait another hour and a half after going through immigration, just for my boxes to come through.

But yeah, my boxes were out, and soon I would be too. I was already getting sick with the body odour coming from the people around. Give me another seven to ten minutes and the contents described as ‘aeroplane food’ would spring out of my mouth like a fountain and shower the triggering factors standing around me.

Walking with the two purple boxes on a cart I had rented (I still don’t understand why we have to pay for trolleys in this country..) I walked through the arrivals hall waiting for the heat that would slap my face the moment I walked out of the terminal building. Oh, but it already hit me when I stepped off the plane. You know that itchy feeling you get beneath your skin, and you’re ready to rip off your clothes and grace the airport with your abroad-tanned skin. Could be winter tanned, sun tanned but definitely not Nigerian sun tanned. The Nigerian sun and of course the heat, was on a whole different level. Now walking out of the terminal, and the sliding doors opened up, it slapped me. It really really slapped me. I was ready to take it all off right there and then. Every single piece of fabric on my body. And oh, the sun! For once can we land when its raining heavily so I can be graced with the cool breeze from the Atlantic ocean? I had already started missing the British weather I’d just left. At least, there was always a 10% chance of rain and that promise was enough for me.

But yes, it was hot. Taxi drivers were screaming at me. Random men were whistling and flirting in Yoruba while trying to grab my luggage cart. But boy oh boy, I had missed this feeling.

I just got back and I was home.

Continue reading “SUMMER.”

God

The Light.

“In Him was life and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it”

 -John 1:4-5

I’ve spent days here,

In a room full of darkness,

the only thing saving me is the tiny light that appears every so often within me.

I can’t take it any longer,

I need a larger source of light, the one within me will never be enough

So I go out into a cold and darkened world

In search of the greater light.

 

 

I think I have finally found it,

The light I so desperately seek

It’s there by the ocean—

As I get closer I realize the light is from a group of people

I ask to join them –

They were my only hope

“I need your light

Without it I’ll be dead soon enough”

They take me in as their own—

Nurture me and feed me the word which gave them their light

But nothing changed,

I ate into gluttony but my light did not shine brighter

I was the odd one out,

A spot of darkness in a land full of light.

 

 

It’s been a year now

The little light I once had is totally gone now.

And I had decided the darkness to be fitting for a soul like mine

So I leave the land of light

To continue my sojourn in a jaded world.

Days go by and everything is bleak

I breathe but I am not living;

I have hit rock bottom

And have finally accepted the darkness.

 

 

I see a bright light,

In it appears to be a man—

I walk towards him and I feel the force of life all around me,

He takes my hand and we begin our journey into the darkness,

But something is different this time

As we walk, the darkness begins to turn into a blinding light

I soon realize that the light comes from within me

I had begun to shine

Brighter than a thousand suns

It was so beautiful, words cannot explain

I look up to him and ask him “Who are you”

He smiles and says

“I am the light of the world, whoever follows me will not walk in darkness but will have the light of life.” [John 8:12 ESV]

and then he asks—

“Will you follow me?”.

 

Beauty, God, Love

Here’s to the girls Queens.

“Many women have done wonderful things,
but you’ve outclassed them all!”
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
The woman to be admired and praised
is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.
Give her everything she deserves!”

-Proverbs 31:30 (The message translation).

 

Here’s to the girl—
Whose nose was constantly buried in the spine of a book,
the one who didn’t wear make-up to tempt some guy;
but wore it because it made her feel confident.
The one who didn’t ‘take-in’ her school uniform skirt just to get the attention of Wale Olu-Williams;
The one who would wake up each morning to say a prayer for the mean girls who teased her.
The girl who didn’t have a date to prom—
Not because she was not asked,
But because no boy at the time could adequately match the queen she catered for on the inside.

Here’s to the girl—
Who struggled with something,
Her weight, an eating disorder, her appearance—
The one who cried each night because she was called fat, ugly or unlovable
The one who eventually grew to realize she was a queen
The one who learnt queens came in different colors, shapes and sizes
Who would stare in the mirror and smile because she had overcome

Here’s to the girl—
Whose greatest canvas was her body and whose biggest brush was a needle—
The one who wasn’t understood,
They did not understand that her piercings and tattoos were a mere expression of the woman inside of her;
That her wardrobe, though lacking a skirt told the tales of her dependence on no man
Because she was both man and woman for herself
She was a modern day queen—
One ready to rule her kingdom without a king.

Here’s to the independent, young, career woman—
Embracing her feminity daily,
You are so strong—
Working 9 to 5 each day without complaint
Working hard and praying harder
The one who does not depend on some ‘bae, boo or baby’—
To buy her the things that her Father could not
The one holding her own—
Because she knows the men that have come her way would steal her focus from God.
The one acknowledging and enjoying the life she chose for herself.

Here’s to the single mother,
Who would give anything for her child—
The one who does not believe in mistakes,
But call every situation what it is—
A blessing.
Here’s to the stay at home mother,
We acknowledge that raising five kids is more tedious than any 9-5 job out there;
After five pregnancies, three of which were c sections—
You still look like the queen you did 15 years ago
To the strong and beautiful mother
Catering for each of her children’s specific needs

Here’s to the prayerful mother
The one leaving a legacy—
Who wakes at dawn to pray for her household
The one putting the needs of her children above her own
The one who taught her daughter that no man should ever make her ‘get on her knees’
The one who acknowledged that God was the only one to be knelt before
The one teaching her daughter to pray—
The one taking her daughter to Church
Braiding her hair and telling her everything will be alright
The true woman whose goal is to raise a true woman.

Most of all,
Here’s to every woman—
The ones who are and the ones who are trying to be;
A whole generation depends on you so don’t ever feel unimportant
You are so worthy, so strong, so beautiful, so smart
Your kind spirit is your crowning glory which will hold the heart of many kings
There is so much more to you than how you appear
God is on your side,
He’s working on you,
Your story isn’t over—
So don’t settle for mediocre,
He’s making you into a force to be reckoned with
He’s bringing you the right relationships
The ones that will glorify him
Get on your knees and pray, then get on your feet and chase your dreams
Don’t give up
You’d laugh about it in the end
Here’s to the Queen within you x

 

 

 

 

 

Disclaimer: This post is not made to entail misandry but instead to glorify the woman.

Uncategorized

What Next?

seekingvous

Demi sat up on her bed. Tired and sweating, she felt she needed a break. Her eyes were drowsy and her heart was heavy. She dropped her phone on the floor right next to her bed. She figured she’d pick it up later on or even better, she’d step on it when she woke up in the morning. That way she wouldn’t need to be reminded of that night’s events.

This wasn’t the first time this was happening and she was quite sure it won’t be the last. She wanted to get on her knees and talk. But she wasn’t sure she even knew what to say anymore. Was it going to be the same words she spoke into the air three weeks ago, or the ones she declared at the altar six months ago.

You see with her, it was always a back and forth movement. One week in…

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God

What Next?

Demi sat up on her bed. Tired and sweating, she felt she needed a break. Her eyes were drowsy and her heart was heavy. She dropped her phone on the floor right next to her bed. She figured she’d pick it up later on or even better, she’d step on it when she woke up in the morning. That way she wouldn’t need to be reminded of that night’s events.

This wasn’t the first time this was happening and she was quite sure it won’t be the last. She wanted to get on her knees and talk. But she wasn’t sure she even knew what to say anymore. Was it going to be the same words she spoke into the air three weeks ago, or the ones she declared at the altar six months ago.

You see with her, it was always a back and forth movement. One week in, the next few out. Sometimes the guilt would settle in, other times, she’d feel absoltely fine, like nothing was wrong at all. But those were the times that scared her the most. Where was her conscience? Was she still okay? As much as she liked the ease that came with not feeling guilty, the silence that flowed with the aftermath of her actions scared her. Maybe her guts weren’t working anymore. But that’s not true. They were working, or at least they were an hour ago.

Demi sighed and curled into a little ball on her bed. Today was going to be one of them guilt filled days.

She picked up the Bible that lay on her bedside table and dusted the surface.  It hadn’t really been a while but the harmattan that year hadn’t been so wonderful.

She flipped to one of her favourite books of the Bible, Romans chapter 7. She read it over and over again, like she had done in the past and each time there was something that stuck out.

21 So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23 but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me.

Demi smiled pathetically  to herself. This had been her life lately. So she continued reading.

 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature[d] a slave to the law of sin.

Demi opened the next page of her book that led to chapter 8. The redemption page was what she liked to call it.

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you[a] free from the law of sin and death.

These words brought Demi to tears. She wanted to talk to Daddy. Tell Him she was sorry, that she wouldn’t slide back again. But even she knew she was just deceiving herself. She didn’t want to lie and take His love for granted, but in reality, she actually wanted to get things right. So He’d be happy with her again. And here this verse was saying, that there is no condemnation for those in Christ. She wasn’t even sure if she was in Christ.

She began to cry a bit more now. She had heard from different sources that tears didn’t move God. But at this point, she was tired of going back. She wanted to experience His love. But she felt so far away.


So many times, we find ourselves struggling to do what is right and failing nearly every time. Most times, we struggle to let go of people, habits, feelings that aren’t necessarily good for us. And we know they aren’t so great, but we accommodate them.

And then to justify our actions we tell ourselves, ‘Well God wouldn’t have brought him into my life if he was so bad for me.’ or sometimes we say, ‘Well God made me and these feelings, I might as well put them to use.’

But most times, we forget that God did not design us to live by feelings. Living by feelings is thinking with your heart and not with your head. According to Judah Smith, living by feelings dehumanizes you and you end up living by instinct.This is because, each time we follow our emotions, we make use of irrational thinking that brings about animalistic behaviour. So yes, thinking by instinct is animalistic. It’s what gets us to do what we swore to ourselves years ago, we wouldn’t do. It gets us to open up the doors God has already shut in our lives.

But you know what? There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. What does this mean?

It means because of our position in Christ, condemnation is no longer part of the equation of our existence. 

So yes, we’ll make mistakes. Yes, we’ll fall back a bit. We might even go a year without Church or fellowship, or whatever it is people do nowadays. But you know what? God’s love for us is 360. Remember the story of the prodigal son? How the father wrapped his arms around the son and embraced him even after all the boy had done? Yep. That’s God’s love.

Think of things this way. You get free VIP passes to any concert of your choice. All access, No questions asked. But when you get there, you only stay in the stands where all the regular guys are. You’re not quite sure how the passes work, so you don’t give yourself the opportunity to fully experience them. But that doesn’t mean the passes aren’t active. You just don’t know how valuable or how free you are with them. Or even, you don’t know how to activate them.

I’ll give another analogy right before I finish up (Sorry it’s so long).

Imagine a group of people go to a wealthy man’s house and ask for his valuables and he gives them his wife but they still ask for more. Then he goes, ‘But what more do you want? I’ve given you the most important thing I have.’

In both cases, that’s the situation with God. Firstly, He has given us a gift, and has given us the freedom to experience that gift. Secondly, we may ask for so many things, or even nothing at all, and yet still forget the most important gift of all that he has given us – His son 🙂

So what next?

Don’t beat yourself up about it. Don’t be too ashamed to get on your knees and talk to Him concerning it. Remember, there is no condemnation, just the devil’s confusion.

Bible verses: New International Version (NIV)

If you want to know more, feel free to check out Judah Smith’s sermon on Romans 7 & 8 here.

 

Quick note: For all those who asked, the word Daddy is used to describe God here 🙂

 

  • Simi
poetry

The Truth About Forever. 

The truth about forever,
Everyone asks what forever is, and that’s because they think it’s a feeling. Just like love which to some is a feeling and to others a choice. It’s the same as forever.

It’s either you feel your forever is a feeling which means your “forever” could change or even stop. Or its a choice which means your forever lives up to its name as forever.

Though people do really crazy stuff just to know what forever is, but they fail to realize forever could be the smallest thing they do or the smallest decisions they make on a daily. I mean someones forever could last for 2minutes, 5days, 6 weeks, 3 months, 5 years, or it could even be a second. Yess, yess! that’s how forever is at least to me. Most people fail to realize how their everyday decisions affect their forever.

I’m going to link Forever to happiness. You could choose to have your forever everyday. That would mean you would choose to be happy everyday, withstanding what everyone says, even when things might go bad. You look at the positive side even when you think there isn’t one. You just keep your forever going and try and solve the problem. Or you could wait for someone who would spark something in you to make you feel like you have a forever.

The only problem with this, which to me is the most diabolic, is the fact that that someone could choose to leave at anytime. That someone could take your forever from you whenever they feel like, they could take your happiness too.

So which do you Choose? The same thing could be said about love. Do you choose to love yourself and your neighbor no matter what and be happy? Or do you choose to wait for someone to love you before you are happy and then give them the power to take that happiness?

Which is It?

 
Kindest Regards,

Pm Von Cephas.

Love, Tales

The other woman (1)

The other woman finds time to manicure her nails,
The other woman is perfect where her rival fails,
And she’s never seen with pin curls in her hair anywhere.

But…
The other woman will always cry herself to sleep,
The other woman will never have his love to keep,
And, as years go by…
The other woman will spend her real life alone.

– Nina Simone

Continue reading “The other woman (1)”

Love, poetry

Te acuerdas?

 “So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past”

                                                  -F. Scott Fitzgerald

Denola do you remember?

It was our first year in highschool, I was the round, chubby, quiet girl and you were the rebel in a sweater. You walked up to me one day and told me you liked me, that you thought I was beautiful. Denola do you know that was when I fell in love with you? but our personalities were so different, if you were the sun and I a planet, I would be the farthest one from your orbit. That is the reason why, for three years we ignored each other Denola, you never spoke to me and I was certain that you felt nothing for me.

 

Denola Do you remember?

We had gone to San Diego with a couple of friends for the summer, I couldn’t sleep that night, my boyfriend and I were having problems. What a coincidence it was, that you couldn’t sleep either. I was walking around the hotel where we stayed and found you sitting under the stairs. It’s been many years now, but the memories of what we talked about still make me smile. I fell in love with your personality once again. Your words, your laugh and your boisterous confidence, they overwhelmed me and I couldn’t imagine myself being with anyone other than you. But there was one problem Denola, I was with someone who wasn’t you.

 

Denola do you remember?

It took you three years to admit what you wanted, but Denola don’t you think that was too late? I had a boyfriend you know? He was great. But you came into my life once again. You made me question reality and pulled me into your life of F Scott Fitzgerald, Maya Angelou and all the wonderful writers who made your eyes glisten when you spoke. I had realized, that I would drop everything and anything for you.

 

Denola do you remember?

It was a rainy Saturday night and you took me to go see a movie. You held my hand at the back of the cinema and you told me you loved me for the first time. Im sorry Denola, but I was just a girl and you were matured far beyond your years, I was scared Denola, and that is why I walked away asking “can you hear yourself?”. Till today Denola, I regret uttering those words. If I could take them back, I would. But Denola, it is what it is.

 

Denola do you remember?

Our first kiss Denola, the seasons changed, it was late at night and both of us walked the hallways, we held hands and you sang ‘I want crazy’ by Hunter Hayes which I forced you to learn, I will never forget how terrible your voice sounded, you were hitting all the wrong notes but it made me feel ontop of the world. Suddenly, you stopped me and held me in your arms—and then you kissed me.

 

Denola do you remember?

All those evenings we spent walking aimlessly on the street, my hand in yours, talking about everything and nothing. They were the most amazing moments. I felt safe, and for a long time, I would look forward to those walks.

 

Denola I don’t think you remember this……

Because you never saw it. Denola she was my friend! You had changed Denola, although still the beautiful misfit I fell in love with, you had picked up traits from the boys you used to hang with. Denola you had become like them, you had started to want everything other boys wanted. The moment I realized that Denola, I cried, because I was thankful I got out while I still could.

 

Do you know Denola?

You influenced me in ways I never thought possible, you taught me to love the beautiful things of the world, the places, the people, the music. I began to write, I began to listen to good music, I began to read, I had become a free force of nature, sampling the wonders of life. You taught me passion, you showed me intense emotion. Love, Happiness, even pain. You taught me to embrace it. And so I did.

 

Do you know Denola?

That you are my yard stick, the unit in which I have measured all my other lovers. I can not say all my relationships after you had been rosy, but I do know using you as my yardstick has definitely thinned the herd. A lot of them never understood me the way you did, they never made the effort. They did not understand that I didn’t want good, I didn’t want good enough, they couldn’t understand I wanted that ‘can’t sleep, can’t breathe without you love’. A lot of them didn’t have the depth that you did.

 

Denola do you ever wonder?

What if we had met years later, I mean way later. When I had become a woman, old enough to reciprocate the kind of love you showed me. When we could shut the world out and just be us.

But look how far we’ve come Denola, I still call you, whenever I get my heartbroken by just another guy, and you always tell me “If I ever meet the bloody idiot, I will kill him” . You listen to me rant for hours about how he didn’t do this, or did that and then you would tell me that I deserved better. Yes, Denola, we do, that is why, we beat on, boats against the current, in search of our own greater perhaps.