Love, poetry

Te acuerdas?

 “So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past”

                                                  -F. Scott Fitzgerald

Denola do you remember?

It was our first year in highschool, I was the round, chubby, quiet girl and you were the rebel in a sweater. You walked up to me one day and told me you liked me, that you thought I was beautiful. Denola do you know that was when I fell in love with you? but our personalities were so different, if you were the sun and I a planet, I would be the farthest one from your orbit. That is the reason why, for three years we ignored each other Denola, you never spoke to me and I was certain that you felt nothing for me.

 

Denola Do you remember?

We had gone to San Diego with a couple of friends for the summer, I couldn’t sleep that night, my boyfriend and I were having problems. What a coincidence it was, that you couldn’t sleep either. I was walking around the hotel where we stayed and found you sitting under the stairs. It’s been many years now, but the memories of what we talked about still make me smile. I fell in love with your personality once again. Your words, your laugh and your boisterous confidence, they overwhelmed me and I couldn’t imagine myself being with anyone other than you. But there was one problem Denola, I was with someone who wasn’t you.

 

Denola do you remember?

It took you three years to admit what you wanted, but Denola don’t you think that was too late? I had a boyfriend you know? He was great. But you came into my life once again. You made me question reality and pulled me into your life of F Scott Fitzgerald, Maya Angelou and all the wonderful writers who made your eyes glisten when you spoke. I had realized, that I would drop everything and anything for you.

 

Denola do you remember?

It was a rainy Saturday night and you took me to go see a movie. You held my hand at the back of the cinema and you told me you loved me for the first time. Im sorry Denola, but I was just a girl and you were matured far beyond your years, I was scared Denola, and that is why I walked away asking “can you hear yourself?”. Till today Denola, I regret uttering those words. If I could take them back, I would. But Denola, it is what it is.

 

Denola do you remember?

Our first kiss Denola, the seasons changed, it was late at night and both of us walked the hallways, we held hands and you sang ‘I want crazy’ by Hunter Hayes which I forced you to learn, I will never forget how terrible your voice sounded, you were hitting all the wrong notes but it made me feel ontop of the world. Suddenly, you stopped me and held me in your arms—and then you kissed me.

 

Denola do you remember?

All those evenings we spent walking aimlessly on the street, my hand in yours, talking about everything and nothing. They were the most amazing moments. I felt safe, and for a long time, I would look forward to those walks.

 

Denola I don’t think you remember this……

Because you never saw it. Denola she was my friend! You had changed Denola, although still the beautiful misfit I fell in love with, you had picked up traits from the boys you used to hang with. Denola you had become like them, you had started to want everything other boys wanted. The moment I realized that Denola, I cried, because I was thankful I got out while I still could.

 

Do you know Denola?

You influenced me in ways I never thought possible, you taught me to love the beautiful things of the world, the places, the people, the music. I began to write, I began to listen to good music, I began to read, I had become a free force of nature, sampling the wonders of life. You taught me passion, you showed me intense emotion. Love, Happiness, even pain. You taught me to embrace it. And so I did.

 

Do you know Denola?

That you are my yard stick, the unit in which I have measured all my other lovers. I can not say all my relationships after you had been rosy, but I do know using you as my yardstick has definitely thinned the herd. A lot of them never understood me the way you did, they never made the effort. They did not understand that I didn’t want good, I didn’t want good enough, they couldn’t understand I wanted that ‘can’t sleep, can’t breathe without you love’. A lot of them didn’t have the depth that you did.

 

Denola do you ever wonder?

What if we had met years later, I mean way later. When I had become a woman, old enough to reciprocate the kind of love you showed me. When we could shut the world out and just be us.

But look how far we’ve come Denola, I still call you, whenever I get my heartbroken by just another guy, and you always tell me “If I ever meet the bloody idiot, I will kill him” . You listen to me rant for hours about how he didn’t do this, or did that and then you would tell me that I deserved better. Yes, Denola, we do, that is why, we beat on, boats against the current, in search of our own greater perhaps.

 

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