Endi stared out from her overpriced college dorm room, she had cried so much she had no more tears in her, so she just stared. Jon Bellion played loudly from her laptop and her neighbors had yelled “Turn down the volume Endi!” but she didn’t care. Her whole world had been unraveled before her eyes yesterday.
She told her self she was never going to leave her room ever again. Then her phone rang. Nkem, her friend called but she just let it ring, getting used to the rhythmic iPhone ringtone.
The seven am alarm rang and Endi opened her eyes. For a brief moment she was at peace, not recalling the events of the past two days. But then suddenly it hit her, she realized she had slept off on the ground clutching his old dog tag to her chest. She checked her phone and found three voice mails; one from her mom, one from Nkem and one from Osi her other friend. She wasn’t going to call anyone back, she needed more time alone —and then she saw a text from Ore which she replied:
And so she sat there and she screamed and she cried for hours. She picked up her phone so many times in an attempt to text him, to beg him to take her back but each time, she found a reason not to.
She knew this cycle would not end, so she deleted his number, unfollowed him on social media and cried some more. She re-read their last conversation for the fiftieth time, hoping she miss read it. “It’s over.” She kept on reading that part as if it was going to change. But deep down she knew they were done for good this time.
By noon she was numb once again, she told herself he had left because she was not as beautiful as other girls, couldn’t do the things other girls could, she had somehow managed to convince herself that she was a lesser person, that she was broken, damaged and unlovable—and that was the reason he left, she began to tell herself that she was lucky he even stayed for as long as he did, that he put up with her bullshit for over a year but time had ran its course and her fairytale had come to an end.
Several lonely hours had passed and it was evening now, she had gotten tired of crying, she hadn’t eaten in nearly two days and she felt like she was falling ill, as she stared into the darkness she realized feeling sorry for herself wasn’t going to do her any good. So she took his dog tag and locked it somewhere she wouldn’t be tempted to look for it—then she did something she hadn’t done in a while. She got on her knees and talked to God. She cried to him, begged him, to make her forget her pain, to help her grow into the woman she desired to be. One who would grow in Christ, who would live a happy life, with no regrets. And then she realized he left because he couldn’t understand that she was this enigmatic, dynamic whirlwind that just couldn’t be understood, she always had several strong emotions that rolled up into her personality and not everyone could handle that and that was fine– it was then she knew that she would be fine, maybe not that day, but eventually she would be okay.
A piece by Ekpeju Ogbemi.